Ever and again
by Lady Luxury
Summary: Juliet liberates Sawyer from his commitment with her to be happy with Kate. Sorry for eventually mistakes. English is not my first langague.


**Ever and again.**

**Summary:**

Juliet liberates Sawyer from his commitment with her to be happy with Kate.

**Chapter 1:**

"I saw the way you look at her. "She said looking a little upset, but not enough to show tears in her eyes.

"I'm with you." It was the right response, but not necessarily true.

"James don't try to fool me, you're only fooling yourself. "She said with a very short smile, touching gently his face.

"Don't you want to be with me anymore?" He was a little confused because he thought being with Kate was something totally off the table and he started a life with Juliet and really believed in that life.

"I don't want to be a part of that anymore." She explained.

"I really don't know what you're talking about sweetheart." He forced a smile, but she was no stupid. And she didn't want to argue. She was decided to end that relationship. "I love you, Juliet. "

"Yeah, I know. But you're not _in_ love with me. And you know it. Those three years were great and I will never regret myself…"

"But you want to end us." He interrupted her andsighed**. **"I got over Kate, I`m telling you!" He tried once more.

"You tried to get over her. It's ok… we're trying to be what we're aiming for… But we can't anymore. You will find what you really want, eventually." She smiled and gently kissed him goodbye.

"And what will you find?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know… That's the beauty of it. She shook her shoulders smiling.

"You're an incredible woman, Juliet" He said looking proud.

"I know. Maybe that's my problem. "They both laughed.

'I will never regret us." He said sounding truly.

"Run to her. You'd waited so long…" She said with a calm voice.

He couldn't believe that was really happening and Juliet went away, setting him free in the most noble way he'd ever seen.

But he didn't know if Kate still had feelings with him. Yeah she gave him some looks and she smiled at him when they saw for the first time in three years but that was Kate. He would never know what she feels in the bottom of her heart.

But the truth was that: he was a little relief with Juliet's attitude.

Because when he said he was over Kate he lied and Juliet was smart enough to know that. He was _trying_ to get over her for three years and then she was thrown back to his life like an asteroid. He didn't have time enough! Because no time at all would be enough to forget the only woman he truly loved. And maybe she didn't feel the same way now but… He had to try! He'd given a shot. For her. For him. For _them._ For what they became together. He couldn't waist another second thinking. He had to do something… Now! He knew where to find her and he were controlling himself for not to jump on her for so long…

_What if she does not want me? _He was asking himself. _At least I'd know how she feels and moved on with my life if that's what I need to do_. He answered for himself.

_I love her. I always loved her! Juliet is right; who am I trying to fool?_

He couldn't think clearly while was going to her home, talk to her, make a move on her and hope for the best.

When he knocked the door, his hands were trembling and he thought he was less nervous in his first time.

"Hey."Her squeeze smile indicated confusion. _What is he doing here this late at night? _She thought. Why he likes so much to torture me with his presence? _Doesn't he know how I still feel about him? Goddamn I went after his daughter for Christ's sake! And why is he so quiet? He looks so confused. _Her heart could stop in any moment right now.

"Hey…" He finally answered. "I need to talk to you." He stuttered a little bit.

"Now?" _Did he have any idea of what time was it? _

"I couldn't waist another second." He looked very serious and maybe she couldn't notice how nervous he was. But he was wrong. She could see in his eyes how lost he was. The only thing she couldn't notice was the reason.

"Come in." She said a little quiet, closing the door as soon as he entered. "Do you need someone to talk or…" Before she ended the sentence he pulled her to his arms and kissed her with a violence that she missed so much in all those years.

_I am no good with words. If I kiss her I know if I should told her what I feel_.

Kate felt a little surprised but responded to his kiss with the same hunger, and they tongues interlaced in an erotic dance that followed both to the next step. But they couldn't! _He is with Juliet! I don't want to be his one night stand! _ Kate shouted at herself. But his hands were so warm and gently caressing her body like she was the most beautiful woman in the world… But she had to stop it!

"Stop…" She said firmly getting away from him. She was trembling and her lips were still intumesced and she looked really shocked with all that but now Sawyer knew the truth and then he smiled. He laugh and his eyes were shining so much that it looked even bluer. He was more handsome than ever. "What's your problem?" She asked getting really angry with him. He couldn't kiss her that way and leave her.

"I have no problem at all… Now." He continued laughing like a kid and started to move closer to her.

"Get away.' She stepped back.

"If you had said that before I kissed you maybe I would… But now it's impossible, _sweetheart_."

"Sweetheart." Nobody besides him ever called her that way. And nobody besides him could make her feel that way. But still… Was so wrong in the moment.

"Why are you doing this to me? You are with Juliet! She shouted trying to refrain her tears.

"Not anymore." He said looking full of malice, showing his dimples.

"W…Why?" Even her voice was shaking. Could she look a little less interested in him?

"She said I should run to what I want, and then I came here." Maybe she couldn't see in his eyes but he was more insecure than ever. But she needed to know.

"You're here just because Juliet doesn't want you anymore? Thank you so much for the regard." She looked very offended and he rolled his fingertips on his hair knowing she got all wrong…

"No! I want you freckles! I couldn't jump on you before because I was in a relationship, and I didn't want to hurt her. But she noticed that and let me free, for you." Kate remained in silence. He took a breath and continued, he had to risk it all now. There was no turning back. "I love you, freckles. I always loved you! And anyone can see that except you!

"What?" _Am I listening clearly? Did he just say that he loves me? _

"It was always you, Kate." He was almost abandoning the fight when she ran to him kissing him again, but this time with more fury while tears were falling from her eyes.

"I'd never gotten over you!' She whispered in his ear. "I thought of you this whole time. But wait…" She pulled him away again. "We can do that, like this…"

"Oh please do not tell me you're still thinking I jump to abandon you… He looked bored, walking in circles while she touched her lips closing her eyes and trying to focus.

"You said you were afraid and…"

"I said that to avoid some kind of hope on us. I jumped because I wanted to save you. But I thought you'd already know that."

"It had been three years, James…We are different people now…"

"Yeah, can't wait to know the new you." He said smiling. "And touch all that I can see as the _old_ you." The desire was very visible in his eyes as he undressed her with a look.

"I want to delineate every freckles of your body with my mouth" He said getting closer and speaking a really lower and huskier voice.

"That will take time." She smiled a little bit feeling kind of shy.

"I see no clock ticking…" He pulled her hair away of her face, touching her cheek.

"But it's a jungle out there." She joined his game.

"Here is going to be worse."

**Chapter 2:**

She finally laughed and he broke her smile with a passionate kiss, touching her, her face, her nape forcing her to deepen the kiss as both of their hearts were in flames, fast as fireworks. _He loves me! He loves me! _She kept telling herself. Kate you're such a fool, you always knew that, you just weren't capable of admit.

_I know she loves me. But she is not prepared to say it. But this is going somewhere, I can feel. _ Sawyer started to down kiss kisses around her neck, drinking her scent as she was getting more comfortable with the whole situation sliding her hands on his back around his waist and sliding even more… But the shirt was getting in her away so she opened the bottoms with her shaking fingers and he helped her while his mouth bitted her shoulder.

They had to stop kissing for a moment and then she let his shirt fall down and touched his chest with her lips drinking every curve of his, remembering how it felt back than when she did that for the first time. He sighed happier than ever for being with her, touching her and caressing her. He wanted to go slow but his body already was so damn hot that she could notice the fire burning around his groin against her belly.

"You can't wait anymore, can you?" She asked quietly and he shakes his head.

"Me neither." She agreed smiling and he pulled her smashing her breasts on his chest, putting her legs around his waist and carrying her around the house without stop staring at her. Kate was as excited as she felt on their first time and when they got in the bedroom, they both touched gently each other faces recognizing their lines and knowing the time would not change what they have. _Ever._

No time could be enough to erase their love. To erase their desire. To erase who they were. Who they truly were.

Sawyer put his hands under her T-shirt very slowly and glad when noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra under the black T-shirt. He crossed the line between her breasts and Kate thought he still was shy like they'd never done that before, so she helped him, taking the shirt off with out broke the gaze between them.

For a long time he just looked at her, to all her curves and lines, and… Freckles.

Her body was the same, but even sexier, more mature and full of great curves where he wanted to flow… Her rosaceous nipples were erect and he barely touched her. She was on fire. As himself.

Finally he touched her sliding his hands around her arms, crossing her throat and making a straight line until her breasts.

Kate thought if wasn't he tired of lift her that way when he pulled her against the wall, pressing her buttocks and getting really wild again wild kissing her mouth. Still carrying her. So, his month went down to her nipples along with one of his hands, caressing, kissing, and pressing his tongue around one of them. Kate moaned feeling free for the first time in three years. He pressed her nails in his arms; his strong arms that made her feel so safe… Sawyer's erection was very clear specially because he was so close of her and like he could read her eyes he turned around, laying her down on the bed, dragging his body on hers looking at her mouth.

Kate pulled him, putting her hands on his back, taking his pants off because she was very anxious to be naked with. Sawyer's hot body naked on the top of hers… _I want him so much that I can't think clearly. I have to tell him those words. I have to say and free myself completely. I love him! I said so many times for myself why can I say to him?_

_Every part of my body is aiming to be touched by him. _

It was not the right time yet. Maybe after the sex, not now. Right now the only thing they really needed was getting rid of those clothes! Sawyer continued to playing with her nipples making her arch her back and open her legs to him, receiving his body and feeling her body get even wetter pressed against his pulsating erection.

_I am ready for you, stop with the anticipating! _She was wondering why he need so much to slow down things up when they both know their bodies were ready to became one. But he wanted to prolong because he waited too much and needed to feel and taste every little piece of her. Kate grabbed his hair while he sucked her nipple and he felt her legs tighten around his waist, knowing she was ready_. I know you're ready sweetheart but it's not the time yet. I want you to feel… _ Sawyer started kissing her belly in a way so soft that tickled her making her smile. But when he got on her pants bottom was no smile on her face. He slipped her pants over her legs and then started kissing her shinbone, rising to her things, caressing gently and passing by her groin making her sigh a little bit and close the eyes.

_This is the right spot. _Touching the edge of her underpants with his teeth he explored her groin with his tongue and Kate was wondering why he didn't take away those underpants anyway. _But he wants you to have a perfect night. _She thought with herself. _But doesn't know that being with him is already a perfect night? _

No, he was not with hurry at all. He continued exploring her with his tongue and all her body was shuddering from her genital to her head. Sawyer was getting even more excited hearing her groans and slowly we used his finger, entering her, narrowing the most sensible spot of her making her scream of pleasure.

She couldn't quite understand what he was doing, but she was very sure that she could have an orgasm any minute if he didn't stop. She could feel his fingers, his tongue and his teeth playing with her like without any haste. Stop with that or I will come! She wanted to scream but she couldn't find strength in her voice. And like he could read her mind he said caressing her thighs:

"Stop fighting. I _want_ you to come."

Yes, he did want her to come. Because the whole thing was very exciting to him. Her face blushing, her body trembling, her internal parts getting so wet and hot, her expression of confusion, extreme desire, almost in pain, her back curving…

_I want it to be perfect. Because it sounds so right. No one could ever make me feel this way. Except her._

_I can't hold it anymore. I have to let it happen. _

And so she let it happen pressing his head on her thighs trying not to smash him while her whole body was having a short-circuit. When finally happened it looked like all her strength vanish from her body and she laid her legs down while he threw himself on her, resting in her chest feeling her heart beat and her fast breath.

For a moment they kept like that staring at each other, feeling so…

Alive for the first time in years. And then her expression changed becoming a little pervert rolling on the top of his body.

"Now it's my turn…" She whispered in his ear with a sexy tone letting her hand flew around his body, making a circle in his navel, flowing down to his groin.

"Oh freckles…" He moaned while she was undressing him from his underwear and sat on his thighs grabbing his penis completely turgid while she was spreading kisses around his chest, from the nipples until his groin.

"Am I dreaming?" He said with pleasure.

"I'm only starting..." He promised smiling and bended herself down.

_No, no, no, she will not do what I'm thinking… _He closed his eyes feeling the sensation of having her exploring him with her mouth like he did with her.

She was plunging and leaving him on and on while he followed her rhythm moving his hips instinctively. She could feel his veins filling with blood and stretching while he continued moaning with that harsh and sexy voice of him making her crazy so she speeded up the movement and he grabbed her head like asking for her to stop.

"Come here hon…" He said so low that she could barely hear but attended. As soon as she lay down he rolled her in the bed sliding inside of her without any trouble and plunged several times in a violent way kissing her neck, biding her shoulder while she buried her face in his chest trying to silence her yelling because the bed was making enough noise already.

Sawyer kept his movement pressing her waist because it looked like they could get close enough. When he thought he couldn't hold his orgasm anymore he looked at her, paying attention on her freckles until he finally succumbed trembling, muttering, and almost cutting her air when tighten his hug. She put her legs around his waist prolonging his climax in the most crazy and unbearable way while she was coming again, but this time with him. That felt like a miracle for both of them. It was a liberating act, so much more than just sex because it was between two people in love.

**Chapter 3:**

_I couldn't explain with words how much I feel for him. _Kate thought, rolling his hair when they were laying down side to side trying to recover their strength.

"What are you thinking?" He asked kissing her chin.

"Is this really happening?" She asked quietly getting closer to him.

"I think so." He smiled. "Are you cold?" He asked when saw her shaking.

"A little bit." To tell the truth she was freezing because it was a cold night and all the heat of the moment had already passed. Sawyer always knew when she was lying, so he covered them with a blanket and than hugged her very tight making her feel the heat of his body.

"Your body is so soft…so hot…" She murmured.

"Thank you but you're the soft thing around here freckles. Your smooth, soft, perfumed skin amazes all my senses." He kissed her forehead.

"Oh how much I missed to be called like that." She laughed.

"Freckles?" He asked confused.

"Yeah, say it again."

"Freckles. I already had called you like that since you came back." He was caressing her hair.

"It was not the same. We were not in a bed, loving each other…"

" Oh I see your point." He smiled.

"When you called me like that I know everything is ok." She sighed.

"I know, that's why I called you that way when I helped you with the boy."

"You can read me, don't you?" She turned herself to look at him touching his cheek.

"Sometimes…" He confessed sounding a little worried. It was the right time. She had to say. She needed to say.

"We need to talk about so many things…" She started already feeling insecure.

"Not now… How many times we did that?"

"The sex part or the talking part?" She laughed.

"The sex part, obviously." He sounded malicious.

"In the past a lot of times…" She made a pause. "But was not enough for me." She looked him straight in the eyes.

"I feel the same away."

He kissed her with passion and desire again and asked himself he could get any better than that. The answer was no. He was with Kate, he loved Kate and she loved him. She didn't need to say, he just knew. But Kate was still feeling that something was missing. She wondered how it would be her reunion with him thousand of times and in all times she succeeded in saying those three words. Her reality must have been better than her dreams, so she stopped the kiss.

"What's the problem, sweetheart?" _I love you. I love you. I love you since the first time you kissed me. _She was testing the sentence inside her head and he got confused. Kate was biting her lip like she wanted to say something but couldn't. "Kate, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." She finally said. "I never felt this happy in my life." Her eyes were especially bright and that was always a good sign.

"So…"

"Stop James. Let me talk." She put her finger on his lip, interrupting him and put her hands in both sides of his face sighing. "I love you." She said! And she felt so relief with that. Because she was trying to say that for so long… "I was afraid of saying that because every time I say I get hurt. But I'm tired of being afraid." He was still in silence looking at her a little shocked and surprised so she continued. "With you I can be… Just myself."

"What did you just say?" He asked with a shaking voice, looking serious and with his eyes full of joy.

"I'd always been in love with you. And this was very irritating in these three years and…" His mouth covered hers impeding her words and teasing her tongue with hunger, feeling even happier to hear that. She _loves me. Now I can be sure! _

But this time they stopped the kiss before it became unstoppable because Kate wanted to talk. The believed the reason why they didn't work out in the past it was because they had so much to talk and they never said a thing about it. And the whole thing with Aaron and even with Jack showed to her that she couldn't denial things forever, because sooner or later it would hunt her.

**Chapter 4:**

"We need to talk first." She whispered in his hear.

"You are really changed." He smiled a little.

"Yeah, I am… I had to face a lot of things in these three years besides my feelings for you." Her face indicated sort of a mystery and he didn't get quite well. "You're not the only one who grew up in this time." She kissed his cheek. "I became a mom, in that time…" He looked away like she couldn't face his panic expression.

"What? Where is he… or her? Is the child mine?" He couldn't talk without stutter.

"Calm down a little, ok?" She laughed. "He was not yours. Or even mine."

"I am not following you, sweetheart." He smiled looking relieved.

"I raised Aaron in these three years. Sun had her baby… Jack had his mother… Hurley had his family… And I had… nobody." She said with some tears in her voice so Sawyer hugged her touching her face gently and kissing the top of her head while she tried not to cry. For a moment they stayed like that with no words and he felt so sorry for her imaging her walking out of the plane with no soul waiting for her and hugged her even more tightly.

"I felt the same way when you left…" He said quietly. "I felt a little…"

"Lost." It was the first time they completed each other's sentence, at least using words. And they both got a little shocked.

"We both needed some adjusts, right?" Sawyer smiled trying to imagine Kate as a mother and thought that maybe she had some touch. At least she didn't try to denial the fact when they both thought she was pregnant. _What about me? Am I going to be a parent for my daughter? _Well, maybe Cassidy wouldn't let him getting close of her daughter.

"Yeah but now I see how selfish I was at the time. I had nobody; all I ever had was you and than you were taken away from me too… I needed that baby, you know?" She looked ashamed about her past. And she really was. Because she loved Aaron as her own son but she didn't care about looking for his real mother, she didn't care about his real family and all their misery. She just cared about herself and she was desperate to change that.

"Don't blame yourself… I'm sure you did your best… But where's the boy now?" He continued smoothing her hair.

"With his own grandma. I told her the truth and decided to come here." Tears finally crossed her eyes.

"You really loved this boy, don't you?" He was surprised with his fact because Kate always looked so selfish putting herself above everybody and suddenly she was in love with a kid. That was something to think.

"I think I needed the whole unconditional love thing." She looked at him for the first time since they started talking.

"Well I tried to give you that, and you refused." Now he looked a little hurt and she felt even guiltier. How she could tell him about Jack before that blue face?

"Actually you never really wanted to give me anything. Every time we got close you ran away. "She pointed.

"Every time we got close you ran to Jack." He replied with a dark look.

"At least he didn't show me various humors along the day." Her eyebrows got straighter.

"No he was rude with you. The whole time." Kate rolled her eyes.

"You really want to talk about Jack right now?" She sighed trying not to think about how right he was. The only person who couldn't see the real Jack on that time was her. But she opened her eyes now and knew who really cared about her.

"I prefer not share my bed with him." His malicious voice was coming back with total force.

"I prefer not share _our_ bed with him. I made mistakes, I take that. But what about you? You offended me acting like a jerk when I said I was not pregnant."

"_Acting like a jerk_? If you were pregnant you would die! At least that`s what the others were saying!" He raised his tone.

"But to me, it looked like you didn't want responsibilities… With me."

"Sure I would have given my life for a chick who I considered one night stand." He pointed ironically.

"You don't have to be so mean." She laughed.

"Look, Freckles, we both made mistakes; we could talk all night about all of them… But can we just try not to be stupid anymore?"

"I can try that…" She agreed with a sweet voice. "I just need to tell you that I see all you did for me. I just tried to ignore when I got mad with you."

He couldn't believe they finally had talked about all that stuff. He could see clearly now why she acted like she acted at the time. Maybe he was a little difficult too, but she was not easy to deal too and they have to learn how to negotiate because whatever they did, they were in love and nothing could change that.

And the pregnancy thing he was really a jerk the first time they talked about that because he was feeling repulsive after killing Cooper and all he wanted her to get away from him. She needed to know that.

"Well I have something to tell you too…" He started.

"What?" She was curious and bitted her lip.

"Remember that story I told you about the real Sawyer a long time ago?"

"Sure." She smiled. "That story made my crush for you rise considerably."

"Incredible… All girls love a troubled guy." He said using a really vain tone.

"What about it?"

"I killed him." He didn't know another way to say that.

"How? When?" She looked surprised after all he didn't got out of the island. The only place where he could have killed the guy was the jungle.

"Well on the night that we had slept together for the last time before came to the others village. When you said you had _old habits_…" He gave an ironic intonation on the last two words like he knew at the time she said that just to had an excuse to not spent the entire night with him.

"You're telling me you killed him here in the island?" She could not believe in that and she ignored his pinprick about the past.

"Yeah… Now I am not surprised anymore, but at the time… Well his real name was Cooper. And he was Locke's daddy. How shocking is that huh?"

"How did you know was him?"

"It's a long story, and I want to short it if you don't mind." That story disturbed him and he didn't want to awake old ghosts. Kate consented and remained in silence so he continued. "I didn't want to kill him, you know? I just want him to apologize… To feel something! But he teared my letter in pieces and make fun of me! "

For the first time ever Kate saw tears in his eyes and loved him even more. He had a very guilty expression even knowing the guy deserved his fate. So she touched his face with a calm smile trying to explain to him with no words that she did not think he was a monster because of that. And she knew instantaneity that was the reason why he was so weird when came back of the jungle with Locke. That's why he was treating her so badly when she talked about pregnancy for the first time.

"I killed my own dad." She shook shoulders with a look that expressed they were two sides of the same coin. "And do not give that look." She smiled. "He was not a good dad at all…" Sawyer didn't talk. "My daddy was Sam Austen until I was twenty four, after that I discovered my birth dad was actually the man I know as my step dad Wayne… A loser who spanked my mother every time he got drunk. And he was always drunk. I couldn't take that anymore. I could take when we were not related but knowing I was a part of him…"

Her voice became quiet until completely silence. Wayne was a part of her and she hated that fact more than anything. He hated the fact that he continued to destroy her life even before his death.

"Oh Freckles, I'm so sorry…" He said gently because he didn't know how to comfort her knowing such a fact about her life. That explained a lot of things, included why she called him "Wayne" once.

"Was this guy a southern?" He asked with curiosity.

"Yeah."

"That's why you hated me so much…" He gave her a short smile.

"No, I always hated the fact that I never hated you. Not even for a minute." She said looking so serious that he got emotional. He kissed her with enthusiasm, happy for learning so much about her with few words and a lot of gazes. After they catch the breath he said:

"You have his blood, Freckles. But you're not him. And certainly I am not him."

"I know that. Now." She smiled.

"Can we please continue with the talk that we are the best now?" He said sliding his hands to her thighs.

"Which is?"

"Bodies talk." He whispered in her ear giving a bite oh her earlobe and making her naked body get alive again.

The end.


End file.
